You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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