I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
