i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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