I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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