Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
