Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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