Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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