I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
