How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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