it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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