so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
