I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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