Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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