My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
