im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
