After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
