He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
