I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
