also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Only a mothe r could love this liver
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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