my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
