see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
