glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
