we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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