there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
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