i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
