just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
