Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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