Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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