you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I think people are normalizing furries
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
