he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Drake has all the answers
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
