if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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