marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
