Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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