3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Randomize
