yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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