if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Randomize
