im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
sex in a hospital.. check
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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