Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Someone signed my nipple.
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