I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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