And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
