I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
