i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
