Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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