Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
