I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
