the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Randomize
