doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
