I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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