I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
