I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
